A Man, For You.

So I thought about writing a summation of the glorious asininity in which the anti-second amendment nutterbutters have indulged over the last two months, from State Senator Rape Whistle, to Ragtime Cowboy Joe, to... this.

But then I started to reflect upon Mr. Carrey in particular--specifically, upon what sort of a pathetic, stunted man-child he is. Really. This is a man whose entire life is acting like a twelve year old who's had a few too many Red Bulls. It was funny--really, seriously funny--the first time, but diminishing returns can be a bear. Carrey's single greatest contribution to society thus far has been contributing to the erroneous hysteria that vaccines cause autism. He's thought of, quite literally, as "that guy who talks out of his ass." He's also thought of, quite literally, as "that sad, pathetic, middle aged punchinello who used to have a career."

But surely, we don't expect much more than this from movie stars, right? I mean, they're movie stars. They're pretty, petty, infantile, egotistical, megalomaniacal, pathologically insecure airheads who gather to themselves votarients to reassure them of how truly wonderful they are, as they save the world through altruistic gestures like not flushing the toilet after they pee, and using only one sheet when they make poopies (Freudian complex anyone?)--and of course, cajoling everybody else to do the same. Should we ever expect any better?

Yes, we should. We make these imbeciles fabulously wealthy. They owe it to us not to act like complete muttonheads.

Furthermore, it can be, and has been, done. Let me paint you a picture of how someone can be the biggest star in the world and still not be somebody that you want to crotch kick.

James Maitland Stewart was born in Indiana, PA, eight days and sixty three years before my birthday, on May 20, 1908. The son of Alexander and Elizabeth grew up around the family hardware store and as a young man pursued sports, dramatics and music as time permitted.

Stewart graduated from Princeton university in 1932 with a BA in Architecture (the much longed for degree that eluded Stewart's favorite role, George Bailey). Buildings, however were not to be in young Mr. Stewart's future, and within three years he was starring in movies.

Stewart was one of the biggest stars in Hollywood by the time he was drafted in 1940. His most notable pre-war films were You Can't Take It With You, Philadelphia Story, Destry Rides Again, and (my second favorite Stewart film after It's a Wonderful Life) Mr. Smith Goes to Washington.
Stewart was eager to serve his country when drafted by the army. Though underweight and over aged to meet the requirements to become a pilot, Stewart gained the requisite weight and apparently successfully engaged in the requisite sweet talking to be admitted to the Army Air Corps (Stewart was already an accomplished pilot and had personally invested his money as a civilian to create an airfield for training military pilots, which may have factored into their decision). Not content to be used as a poster boy for the Army's recruitment efforts, Stewart became a bomber pilot, and logged over 20 official missions over Germany and Nazi-occupied Europe  (although he flew many more undocumented missions) during World War II. Over the course of his military career he received numerous decorations for his valor, and eventually rose from the rank of Private to Brigadier General (President Reagan later promoted him in retirement to Major General).

After the war, Stewart of course returned to film and starred in several of the greatest and most iconic movies ever made: It's a Wonderful Life; Harvey; The Naked Spur; The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance; Anatomy of a Murder; And all of those amazing Alfred Hitchcock masterpieces: Rope, The Man Who Knew Too Much, Rear Window, Vertigo. Though nominated five times by the Academy for Best Actor, Stewart only won once for Philadelphia Story. He was also awarded an honorary Lifetime Achievement Best Actor award in 1985. While John Wayne has always been first in the hearts of American movie lovers, there can be no doubt that Jimmy Stewart was first runner up. His charm, innocence, humility, and decency always seemed to shine through with every role--even when playing checkered characters. I've never actually seen him play the villain, though I understand he did at least once in After the Thin Man.

Perhaps the most amazing thing to me about Jimmy Stewart, his incredible career and military service notwithstanding, is that he remained married to his wife Gloria from their wedding day in 1949 until the day she died in 1994. He adopted her two sons Ronald and Michael and raised them as his own. James and Gloria also had two daughters, Judy and Kelly. He was, by all accounts I've seen, a faithful and devoted family man.

Said Gloria of her husband: "Jimmy was working with some of the most glamorous women in the world. My constant fear I suppose was that he would find them more attractive than me and have an affair with one of them. A lot of men in Hollywood became involved with their leading ladies. Jimmy was a red-blooded American male so naturally I thought it could happen to him, too. I was convinced it was only a matter of time before the telephone would ring and it would be James telling me that he had to work late at the studio or that he would be out playing poker with the boys. Well, no such call ever came. And I can honestly say that in all the years of our marriage Jimmy never once gave me cause for anxiety or jealously. The more glamorous the leading lady he was starring opposite, the more attentive he’d be to me."

The fact that a Hollywood star of Stewart's magnitude, in any era, managed to accomplish this feat is nothing short of remarkable. He's not the only one to have done it, but it's certainly far from the norm in that town.

Stewart was a model of civic virtue. Though a perfectionist on the set, he was liked by almost everyone he ever worked with. A staunch Republican and supporter of the Vietnam War, he nevertheless eshewed arguments and controversy (a virtue of his that I am well aware that I lack). Stewart once remarked that the secret to his lifelong friendship with liberal Democrat Henry Fonda was that the two agreed at an early age to never discuss politics--some suggest that they came to this agreement after a fistfight over politics early on in their friendship (It says something of Stewart's character that despite his conservative views, even the New York Times could write no ill of him in his obituary).

In short, this man is my hero, and someone who's shoes Jim Carrey would be unworthy to shine. I love Jimmy Stewart. Jim Carrey will continue to have a career of sorts. He'll never want. He'll always command a significant salary. But he'll never be loved. Not like guys like Stewart are loved. Not if he keeps acting this way.

The playbook is there, Carrey. Jimmy wrote it for you. You'll never have the opportunity to demonstrate your bravery in battle. But you can learn to emulate the humility, the decency. Give it a shot. If you try, I'll actually be in your corner. For the first time in my life, I'll be your fan.