Michael I the Diminutive

So, a question to New Yorkers: why do you tolerate this jackass?

With all the problems that must beleaguer the Mayor of the largest city in the country--terror threats, a 9% unemployment rate, continued fallout from Hurricane Sandy, and yes, cannibal cops, Michael Bloomberg has  chosen to die upon a mound of  > 16 oz soft drinks.

This is the guy who took the baton from Rudy? This the guy who holds the office once held by Ed Koch? By striking down this pathetic ban, Justice Tingling handed the Mayor a gift; Bloomberg now has a chance to be remembered as something other than a nanny state wet nurse who followed 8.2 million people around with a blood glucose meter and a bottle of Lipitor. Instead he's going to fight on, because it's just that darned important to him to control your Nehi intake.  Seriously, New Yorkers, aren't you just a little bit embarrassed to be represented by this dope?

This is not the New York I remember.

I have only been to New York City once in my life--back in the mid-'90s--and the experience was so jarring I vowed I would never go back. You people used to be so badass.

I remember being offered crack literally at every entrance to every park in the city.

I remember going into a record store, seeing the item I wanted, and leaving without buying it because the store owner couldn't interrupt his prolonged, profanity-saturated polemic to the hapless soul on the other end of the phone line long enough to ring up my purchase. Seriously, this guy didn't stop to breathe for 10 minutes. It was a thing of beauty.

I remember being in Times Square on New Year's Eve, wishing one and all a Happy New Year, and receiving in reply from one and all, a hearty "f*** you."

I remember my buddy and I nearly getting the guano beaten out of us by some goons on the subway Flushing line because they mistook us for a gay couple (I think it was our matching Yves Saint Laurent duffles). Luckily some cops, divinely appointed to be at the station when the train stopped, saved our lives.

I can't believe this is how you're going to let yourselves be treated, Gotham. You have got to throw this bum out. Look, it's a given that you're always going to elect someone to the left of Abbie Hoffman as your mayor. That just goes without saying. You're New York. Rudy was a guilty pleasure for which you must forever atone. I get it. But for goodness sake, next time elect a liberal who still suffers your self respect.