What are you people, on dope?!?

Mr. Hand's immortal line from Fast Times at Ridgemont High shot through my brain this morning when I saw the ad for the new Hellboy movie: Hellboy II The Golden Army. Beneath the accolades that screamed "Hugely Inventive," "A Wonder to Behold" and "Will Become A Classic", down next to the PG-13 rating, was this disclaimor: "This film contains depictions of tobacco consumption."

Tobacco consumption! I dropped the paper in revulsion, and unable to locate a hot stove on which to burn my hands pure, simply crossed myself three or four times.

Tobacco consumption. We need a warning for this.

I hate cigarette smoke (though I have been known to puff a stogie or two in my life). It irks me that numerous smokers seem to be the only denizens of society who can't be bothered to dispose of their trash in some sort of recepticle, but rather feel the need decorate the streets with butts as if they're rose petals. That some smokers feel the need to light up no more than one pace beyond the exit sign, usually when I'm standing right behind them, inspires murderous thoughts.

But.

I think I hate the war that our society is raging against smoking and smokers even more. Smokers have become the new racists. We hate them by default. They are immoral beings from the moment we see them draw that pack out of the inner coat pocket. Why, they're a menace to everyone they come in contact with! Cocktail waitresses are risking their lives by just showing up at work because of these people (because as you all know, once a cocktail waitress picks a bar as her place of employment, she is morally bound to work there for the rest of her life)! And the children! THE CHILDREN!! WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN?!?!?!?!

Time for the obligatory "of courses," as Mark Steyn would say. "Of Course" cigarettes are bad for people. "Of Course" smokers shouldn't be able to smoke just anywhere and "Of Course" any responsible and decent adult will refrain from smoking in the presence of children. I personally would not work in the tobacco industry, as I would not work in alcohol or gaming. But I'm not going to infringe on anyone else's (of legal age) right to engage in those practices. And I don't think we should drive them from every building in town, as they have done here in Chicago. An establishment should be free to decide for itself whether it wishes to be smoking or non. And I don't think the chief concern to moviegoers when it comes to an action movie that no doubt contains violence and scary images and is obviously targeted to an audience 13 and older to begin with, is that there is smoking.

What are these people, on dope?