Objection!

Do you know what's the most despicable form of "entertainment" on television today, IMHO?

It's not Jerry Springer, WWE professional wrestling, or even NOW with Bill Moyers.

It's court TV shows.

Whenever I have the misfortune of being trapped in some sort of waiting room with the unchangeable TV trained on one of these open sores of broadcasting, my mind hearkens back to this immortal scene in the movie Billy Madison:



There's a station here in Chicago, WCIU, that broadcasts not one, not two, but three of these pieces of doodoo: The People's Court with Judge Marian Milian; Judge Maria Lopez; and Judge Greg Mathis. Unfortunately, WCIU is also the only game in town if you want to see reruns of Frasier (yes I am a loser, thanks for asking), which means I'm frequently subjected to commercials proudly heralding this lineup of jurisprudential bottom feeders. Which means my wife is frequently subjected to my derisive outbursts at the tele.

My problems with this form of entertainment are threefold. First of all, it disturbs me to know that this this garbage is in sufficient demand to actually put three such shows on the air on one station. If you simply cannot make it through the day without your 90 minute fix of small claims court, you need prayer.

Second, the judges on these shows tend to strike me as...oh, searching for a word...bimbos. Including Greg Mathis. There I said it. Milian looks and acts like the fiftysomething-trying-to-act-twentysomething at the end of the bar who keeps sending you jello shots. Greg "I finna throw you fools out my courtroom" Mathis seems to live for altercation, ready to pounce on a plaintiff or defendant who gets on his bad side. Lopez... possibly just suffers by comparison with these other two. I find myself asking, who gets into this line of work? Someone who wants to be taken seriously in their profession, or someone who sneaks into paparazzi photographs of famous people in the hopes of seeing themselves in People?

Finally, and this is the thing that bugs me most of all, these shows feed the hyper-litigious nature of our society and generally provide a great example of how to be petty. The People's Court with Judge Wapner first came on the air when I was a kid. The show's ubiquitous closing tagline encouraged watchers that if they were ever wronged by someone else, "don't take the law into your own hands. You take 'em to court." The first part of that slogan is right as rain, but it's the second part that Americans seem to have taken to heart. Americans will now take anybody to court over anything. I once had the misfortune of having my lunch in a McDonalds (that's not necessarily the unfortunate part) when one of these shows was on.

The plaintiff in the first case was a man who was taking his ex girlfriend to court over a thirty dollar shirt.

I was offended at the stupidity of it all. I was offended that there wasn't some way to keep this from making it on the air. There is no common sense. There is court. If I had to choose, I would almost rather let my kids watch Jackass than to watch this garbage.